It's that time of year again. Some of us can hardly wait for the holidays to arrive; but for others, the holiday season is downright dreadful. Be sure to be kind to yourself and others!
Growing up in Denver, Colorado, it seemed as if the world was covered in a continuous blanket of powdery white snow around the holidays. Excitement buzzed in the air as hundreds of people lined up to watch the Parade of Lights, and well-known neighborhoods revealed their magnificent yearly Christmas displays.
My family was drawn to the outdoors; we never let the cold weather or icy terrain stop us from getting outside and exploring. I remember quiet days in the park, the only sound to be heard was our feet crunching freshly fallen snow as our dog, Sassafrass, chased Canadian geese through open fields. When I close my eyes, I can still see the frost on my breath upon each exhale, and envision frozen lakes under the city skyline; a background of snowcapped Rocky Mountains towering in the west. The beautiful peaks reflected an orange glow under each peaceful winter sunset.
Right next door to my childhood home sat a sledding hill. My friends, sisters, and I bundled up and spent hours on end, sliding down the hill until our toes were nearly frostbitten. Coming home, we’d huddle under blankets and sit in front of the fireplace or heat vents, sipping hot chocolate as our bodies defrosted from the inside out.
Naturally, Christmas is my favorite holiday. I have always loved the way the world comes to life. All of my childhood holiday memories of peace and family togetherness make Christmas the best time of year. I love driving through ornamented streets and taking in thousands of twinkling lights; singing cheerfully to classic Christmas tunes; snuggling up with warm pajamas and watching “It’s a Wonderful Life,” with a plate of decorated Christmas cookies at my side. Christmas feels like home.
Throughout the years, my familiar family structure has changed quite a bit. After high school, I moved away to Illinois to attend college leaving my parents, sisters, and extended family behind. Not long after my return to Denver, my parents moved south. I eventually followed, leaving my younger sisters alone in the Mile High City until recently, when one of my sisters joined my parents on the Mississippi Gulf Coast.
Now, as the mother of three darling children, I have assumed the role of the present buying, gift wrapping, cookie baker and I love to share the excitement and enjoyment of the holiday with my children. Christmas decorations adorn our home each year, and the glow of the Christmas tree never fails to fill the room with holiday cheer. The holiday season is a time of celebration. It is a reminder of the good fortune of having a loving family; and a time to rejoice because we have made it through another year.
This Christmas, my year is concluding just after ending a failed marriage. I often find myself sitting alone after the children have gone to bed, contemplating the good ol’ days, and marveling at another year gone by. This year, I can’t help but to find myself overwhelmed with nostalgia.
I have experienced many holiday seasons just like this one in the last 9 years. I’ve sat in my bed at night and stared at the lights of the 3ft Christmas tree in my room, surrounded by the bareness of an empty room. It sounds lonely, and it is; especially since I associate the holidays with family and have such fond memories. My saving grace is the responsibility of creating happy memories for my children. Our little family is our fortress. It is a consistent stronghold; no matter the circumstance we remain strong and together. Between us, there is more than enough love to go around. The overwhelming desire to give them the gift of lifelong recollections of joyous celebration keeps me in a cheerful state, most of the time.
Sometimes I lament and think of days gone by, remembering Christmas times that were filled with love and romance, parties, celebrations, and togetherness. I remember sharing the responsibilities of Christmas shopping, cookie baking, gift wrapping, and tucking the children into bed before sharing a glass of wine in front of the glowing tree. Those joyous memories of winter days were accompanied by warm and loving nights. While I am at peace with my recent decision to put an end to my tumultuous marriage, I can’t help but to wonder if I will find love later in life and share the holidays with someone special again.
I am not alone in my saddened state. Depression is at an all-time high during the holiday season. Many people find this time especially difficult as they grieve the loss of loved ones; others may feel isolated from family and friends. The cold and potentially dreary weather doesn’t help much, as the absence of the sun can lend to dampened spirits.
The holidays can be overwhelming, with elevated stress and anxiety caused by the immense pressure to spend money, participate in office parties, buy the perfect gift, and create the perfect experience for the ones you love.
This time of year is also a popular time for reflection. The reality that another year is quickly coming to an end may cause panic in place of merriment. In fact, December is the leading month for break-ups, which can likely be attributed to high stress and an increased tendency for people to spend additional time in contemplation about what they want, and don’t want, for their lives. The sudden absence of a significant other can lead to even more isolation.
Here are some helpful tips for keeping depression at bay during the holidays:
Avoid Isolation
When you’re feeling lonely, chances are you will be more likely to avoid holiday themed social interaction. Both the plethora of happy couples at every Christmas party and the bombardment of Christmas cheer may exacerbate your feelings of loneliness of symptoms of depression. If you do not have the option to share the season with family or friends, you may be tempted to avoid gatherings and find yourself spending a great deal of time alone.
It is important to reach out to others, as uncomfortable as it may seem. Forcing yourself to participate in holiday activities may seem impossible at first, but chances are you will feel happier if you surround yourself with people, even if they are strangers. Being in the presence of other people will remind you that you are not completely alone, and may inspire you to make new acquaintances. Reach out to family and friends, arrange lunch meetings or nice dinners in festive locations, join a gym and boost your endorphins with light exercise, or simply stroll through the mall during busy shopping days. In any case, do not let your loneliness consume you.
Overcome Grief
When you lose a close loved one or suffer a break-up, you will undoubtedly feel that loss around the holidays. Activities you shared with that person will not be the same, and just the thought of the absence may send you spiraling into sadness. The holidays are a reminder of happier times in the past, and it’s easy to get wrapped up in a melancholy mood.
Often, we expect that our holiday will be lacking the presence of the person we’ve lost, and we condition ourselves to anticipate the worst. However, at these times, it is important to grieve in a healthy way. Do not stop eating or break your normal routine; instead allow yourself to reflect on good memories. It may be helpful to find a support group in your area around this time of year, or immerse yourself in new hobbies and activities that can help contribute to a cheerful outlook.
Start a New Tradition
As a mother, I have the ongoing responsibility to create happy memories for my children. This is especially important to me during challenging times, such as my recent divorce, when our family has changed. Their little minds have to adjust to a whole new routine, and I am tasked with making sure that grown-up issues affect their innocent hearts. The holidays are actually a wonderful opportunity to take our minds off of life’s changes, while we create new traditions that symbolize the importance of our love and togetherness.
In the future, I would love to start the tradition of taking a Christmas vacation. For now, we will continue the traditions of watching holiday movies, baking yummy treats, and venturing out to Christmas parades and festivals.
Control Consumerism
Sure, everyone loves to present friends and family with the perfect gifts, but why begin a new year in debt for one day of fun? The news is riddled with reports of holiday spending. Just today I heard that consumers are expected to spend over $800 on Christmas gifts, only slightly less than spending in post-recession 2007.
I have been blessed over the years; at hard times when I couldn’t afford to spend one dime on Christmas presents, I’ve received donations for my children that spilled out from under the tree. However, this year will be different. I explained to my children that we will not be having a normal gift exchange this year, and will instead focus on the true meaning of the holidays. While I am a Christian, I do not believe that Christmas should be a celebration of the day of Christ’s birth, which would be historically inaccurate, but that the holidays are a time of remembrance of His birth and sacrifice, as well as a time to be thankful for all of the blessings, including family togetherness, we’ve received throughout the year.
Don’t feel pressured to spend….spend…..spend this holiday season. You don’t have to take advantage of every sale. Challenge yourself to save what you’d normally spend and use it toward a vacation next year or a special middle of the year treat! By all means, tighten the purse (or murse) strings. The toys and trinkets you buy this year will probably last a little while before children lose interest, but the memories you create by spending quality time with those you love are truly priceless.
Enjoy Nature
Even if the sun is missing and temperatures are low, there is a lot of fun to be had in the great big outdoors. Bundle up in layers and warm outerwear and get out there! You will find that many outdoor attractions, such as the zoo or pleasant parks, are much less crowded when it’s chilly. Take full advantage and enjoy the fresh air. Outdoor activities will help to clear your mind, and will also help you avoid crowded shopping malls and holiday stress.
Some of the most beautiful photos feature snow covered trees. Create a nature hunt for your children, or find seasonal treasures for yourself. Safe, outdoor adventures in the winter will allow you to see the world with a child-like amazement, and look forward to a fresh, new, year.
Volunteer
The best way to realize how blessed you are, no matter what your circumstance, is to volunteer. No matter what you are going through, you will be reminded that someone, somewhere, has it worse than you. Volunteer work is very humbling, it will quickly remind you of what is important during the holidays, and highlight the absurdity of commercialism. You will encounter people from all walks of life, and helping to bring a smile to their face and a moment of peace to their life will help to combat your own depression.
There are various organizations and agencies that provide holiday meals, cold-weather shelters, and activities for community members in need. Contact a Salvation Army or outreach organization in your area to find out what is needed. There may be an opportunity for you to start a toy-drive or spend time at a nursing home. Personalizing your efforts will give you a sense of satisfaction and help you avoid feelings of loneliness and depression.
One Day at a Time
Remember that the holiday season is just that: a season! Soon, the snow will melt and the temperature will rise, and this Christmas will be another memory. For that reason, try to make it a good one, because it will be gone as quickly as it approaches. If you’re alone during New Year’s Eve, don’t be discouraged. Be optimistic that you’re starting a new year and make a list of all of the things you’d like to do or see; create a vision board that captures your goals for the year; or write in a journal and quietly reflect. At the stroke of midnight, if you’re not fast asleep like I plan to be, make a toast to yourself! You made it through 365 days, and you deserve it.
If none of these tips boost your mood, or if you feel that your depression is worsening to thoughts of suicide, please get help! You can go to a hospital emergency room, or simply call 911. There are also people standing by to take your call at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
Each year has presented new challenges and obstacles that I never imagined I’d encounter, much less overcome. The lights, decorations, and fun of Christmas and the holiday season, remind me to slow down and celebrate life’s highs and lows, in preparation of the coming year.
This year, I am looking forward to the addition of lifelong love, as the birth of my fourth child is expected in May. Regardless of what comes my way, I will keep the joy of Christmas in my heart this year and for years to come.
